Breaking the habit...

I think I fully understand how people addicted to cigarettes or any drugs feel. It is so difficult to get by each day in the absence of what you want so much. I almost feel that it is the denial of the drug, more than the desire to consume more that truly makes the addict feel like a fish without water. It's like the mind is caught in the infinite loop of wanting the most and acquiring what it does not possess, but very much desires to. The addiction gnaws at you till the drug is the only thing you are capable of thinking about.

As you try to break the habit, each day becomes a mission in itself. You always start strong, and slowly, as you start cutting it lose and replacing it with a penchant for something else, less harmless, gradually you find yourself beginning to slip back. What can be the solution? Do not let go and be unforgiving. If you go easy on yourself, you are bound to ease back int the old routine, and the addiction. This is not the time to self-destruct. So, suck it up.

What am I addicted to you ask? It's the worst one amongst them all, love..

How to kill a romatic

Her heart hammered in her chest at an erratic rate. Her hand muffled the sighs that accompanied he violent tears cascading from her tear-rimmed eyes. She dare not wake the others in the house. It had been over for months, yet she had clung on to it. She had been the one to walk away from the seemingly blissful life that lay ahead of them. She had a knack of blowing up her world every time life would start settling down and looking positive. After four months, it dawned upon her that she really could not do without him. Her life was empty and pointless, or so it seemed now. She didn't call him back into her life as a lover. The poor man remained in touch as a friend. But, she loved him despite their differences. Four more months went by and she asked him if he loved her and would have her back. But, he had forcibly buried his love of four years in the past months of torture. She was such a fool. Why had she imagined that it would be easy to just run out of somebody's life and come waltzing back in as she pleased. That magical stuff works out only in movies or the M&Bs. She had turned him into a different person with different priorities. She got a taste of her own poison. She wrote him endless e-mails with their old pictures smiling at him, sent him texts that ranged from downright anger to bottomless affection, tried to call and talk to him, but he had become someone else, a total stranger. And, here she was now, shedding rivulets of regret on the past actions that could not be mended. Nothing she said would bring him back. She was angry despite herself, at herself.She closed her tired eyes and leaned against the wall, mentally flagellating herself as she would continue to for months ahead. She saw herself get up and don her workout clothes. She had her boxing gloves on as she approached the solitary boxing bad. She kicked and punched, stabbing the bag with upper cuts, jabs and repeated kicks. She went on and on, determined to beat out that notion of fuzzy, romantic love to bit and pieces. She would never again watch rom-coms, or reading all those silly romantic books she had taken a fancy to, and absolutely no love songs or break up songs. She needed a new hobby. She couldn't wait to get back to work. She had to wring each and every drop of love from her soul. That was the only way to survive. Her foggy brain drifted to sleep as she struggled to stave off strains of Air Supply accosting her in her dreams..I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you...

Persuasion not

Have you ever begged? I don't mean for money, but then the intent to that purpose is the same. Begging, is well, begging, in any way, shape or form. I have always believed that the people who resort to begging are the ones who have lost everything else in life, save the hope that the giver, the generous soul will rescue them from their miserable fate and the impending doom. The beggar is that person who has no other means to get out of the rut than to implore and wait for the sympathy of the beholder. By virtue of begging, the beggar has no self-respect left at the moment. Or, is he simply the person who gave in, or gave up trying. Is it ever possible for us not to have any other options in life?

The question to ask..

'Did you enjoy your story so far?'
I came across this line somewhere, and as weird lines usually go, it got stuck in my head. It's up on a post-it note in my laptop.
Anyhow, did I? Well, I don't know, maybe. Did I get what I always wanted? Is that essential for enjoying my story, and what was it that I wanted anyway? And that thing(s) I want, is it the same as what I really need, or for that matter what I already have, or worse still, something I had in the past but no longer have? Will all these thoughts ever arrive at the same dot? I would like to know.

Coming back to the story...Should it be just my story or the story of all the people who have been a part of my life? Maybe both of those together, but it will be a very long one then. For I have always lived two different lives - one in this body and the other in my mind. The latter has definitely been more interesting, because it has been a secret, the happy maelstrom in my imagination. I wonder if the latter has ever been revealed to the rest of the world. Could it be my alter ego they have seen cavorting about every time I have allowed myself to get drenched in the ambrosia...Well, it has been interesting, very much so...

jlt..

And so..I'm back...maybe just for today...even though I had,as always, promised myself that I would start writing more often after May. Alas...
So, I found this nice link on books some months back..
http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/08/11/30-books-everyone-should-read-before-their-30th-birthday/

Yes, it does remind me that I'm growing old, but what's more distressing is the fact that I still do not know what I have to or want to do. People who are close to me, suggest that I listen to the Sunscreen Song by Baz Luhrman...It's a nice song...the kind of song one can listen to at any point of time and find it apt. Sadly, just a song won't do. Surely, me and my almost twenty five years must mean more...I really would like to do a lot of things. Let's start with reading again. I want to read..and write, write really well. I think it'll take me another 10-15 days to get started on that though. That is the time I'll shift into my new apartment and finally have a room of my own. Guess I'll leave it at that till then..

?

Have I ever even lived?

the tide..

You don't know yet but you will have to learn how to bear me through it
all,else I'll just have to leave because to see you being tortured in
this manner is too much to bear...
To conquer the mind, you have to be able to distract and engage it in
something else at the right n precise moment..there's no other way
out..I wonder whether it matters to you sometimes...or whether you
understand any of it at all...